Практика английского

It's hard to plan an company Christmas party ...





FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
small band playing traditional carols ... please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family

Pauline


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our ' Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE : 6th November
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous re questing a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take
home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*****G Employees>
DATE: 8 November>
RE: The F------g Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it.

You'll get your f-----g salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings, too.

They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday - drink, drive, and die!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

Не знаю читает ли кто-то, то, что я сюда ставлю, но буду продолжать.

В одном Нью_Йоркском магазине (The Greenwich Village gourmet grocery store, Balducci's) появился такой продукт.



По етому поводу было открыто несколько блогов, привожу наиболее понравившиеся мне высказывания:

• It's elephant meat. That's how my Grandpa used to call it, anyway.
  
• Boneless ham comes from the "legs" of boneless pigs, and I quote "legs" because without bones, there's really only a leg-analogue, not a proper leg. Being without endoskeleton, such pigs have no feet, they have no need for hooves, and indeed neither do they possess hooves. Without hooves, it is therefore a logical impossibility for them to have cloven hooves, and thus is the flesh of boneless pigs made kosher. The market for boneless ham has really taken off since.
  
• Now how they managed to spiral-cut a ham without a central bone to wrap the knife around, that's a true miracle of technology.
  
• Re .."Now how they managed to spiral-cut a ham without a central bone to wrap the knife around, that's a true miracle of technology.."-
  Lasers, maybe? So, seeing this, can the Holy Grail of culinarity, the Kosher cheeseburger, be near afoot?
  
• Everyone knows ham isn't for Chaunaukah; it's for Pesach
  
• I like the little yarmulke of sour cream.
  
• But fried food is traditional on Hanukkah, to commemorate the oil. Wouldn't some nice crispy bacon be more appropriate?
  
• Well you know, you don't win friends with bitter herbs. Now if only that were the correct holiday...

А ето статья из Daily News:

Balducci's offers ham for Chanukah
BY BILL HUTCHINSON
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Thursday, December 6th 2007, 4:00 AM


Balducci's in Greenwich Village advertises tasty boneless spiral ham as 'Delicious for Chanukah.' Store blamed a clerk for the gaffe.
Oy vey! Pork for Chanukah?

The Greenwich Village gourmet grocery store, Balducci's, has become the butt of the Jewish holiday by advertising its boneless hams as "Delicious for Chanukah."

Manhattan novelist Nancy Kay Shapiro, 46, spotted the kosher faux pas while browsing the meat section Saturday at the chain's outpost at Eighth Ave. and W. 14th St.

When Shapiro went back Sunday, she took photos of the unorthodox display promoting boneless spiral-cut hams for $8.99 a pound, petite smoked hams for $6.99 a pound and boneless smoked hams for $6.29 a pound.

Instead of pointing out the mistake to management, she posted the snapshots on her blog to "amuse others."

"I just thought it was funny," Shapiro, a self-described "unobservant Jew," said. "I wasn't offended in any way. I just thought, here's somebody who knows nothing about what Jews eat."

Shapiro said that when she went back to the store Tuesday, the first night of Chanukah, the signs had vanished.

A Balducci's official was so verklempt about the error he didn't want to speak on the record. He fessed up that "it was a mistake," blaming it on a stock clerk who normally doesn't work the meat department.

He referred all other questions to the company's marketing department in Connecticut.

innok
А я думала, что кошерная свинина только в анекдотаx бывает.

"....
Но чтоб от Б-га по секрету,
Свинину ест мудрец Иосиф
И громко хвалит рыбу ету"

Губерман

innok
Ну и мастерица ты Иннусь находить такое

I like it a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GulyaV
СМАЙЛИК
malibu
Thank G-d! Somebody reads my posts!

innok
You know, it's like in that old Russian joke about the boy who broke his silence after remaining quiet for the first 7 years of his life: "There was nothing to talk about before."
I'm kidding.
On a serious note, I think these posts are too difficult for our friends in Russia to understand. It's not just the language, either, but the American way of life, too.

InMyHumbleOpinion.

Well, you understand, I can't filter according to everybody's level. If somebody posts materials adapted for people who does not use English every day, it would be wonderful. I simply do not have an excess to this kind.

innok

Я читаю! Про бесхарактерно-бескопытных кошерных слонов! Понимаю ток половину, но читаю!

Самое главное ты уловила! Поетому за английский тебе в етом семестре - зачёт!

(The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ba ll when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have p osted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

innok

This is the best part

innok

Инн, помнишь старинный фильм про экзамены: "Приём..., приём..., профессор, конечно, лопух, но рация Ваша при нём..."
Боюсь, что в большой степени наше "главное" обусловлено возможностями современного русскоязычного "Internet exporer"а - он умеет делать контекстно-зависимые подсказки английских слов...

Но всё равно: "Continue, please!"

И ещё.
Девы, умоляю, поищите "у себя в и-нете", может, есть какие-то мультики англоязычные обучалки для детей в каком-нибудь "ю-тюбе" или где ещё? Не алфавит, а что-то более "the advanced"?

An Obituary printed in the London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who
has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,=2
0
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the
worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children,
are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for
reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the
job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could
not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a
burglar
in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in
her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by
his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son,
Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Ириш, поищу мультики.

Лар, грустно-то как....

For those of you who are sick of getting e-mails that tell you to forward it to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do, or there will be serious consequences if you don ' t, then you will enjoy this.

This is hilarious! (and it ' s ABOUT TIME someone did this!)

Click here

Joke du jour...



1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people, but keeps the building standing. It's called the stock market.

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street.

3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker: the pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

4. What's the difference between a guy, who lost everything in Las Vegas, and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with an investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing is right, and on the right side nothing is left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria - if you get any e-mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it. (the second best, imho)

7. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that, if one of my checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds', I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's. (the best, imho)

nikolavna поищи на сайте www.hulu.com где -нибудь в разделе "фэмили". Это бесплатный сайт.

но это не обучалки, а нормальный американский сайт. Но мульты там тоже какиехто вроде есть.. Но больше фильмов и сериалов.



Кому хочется поржать..
http://www.ncoschool.com/dl/vid/Humor/GermanCoastguard.mpg


Это сообщение отредактировал Valerka - 4.04.2009 - 02:47

Ириш, вот, кажется подойдёт. Вообще-то ето серия для детишек лет 3-4, но как обучающий материал может сработать...

Valerka
Душевно!

Можно погостить в этой теме?
Интересно здесь

Это пособие поможет тем кто изучает английский язык!!! Ну, а по поводу алкогольных напитков...
Вы изучаете английский? Тогда это пособие сможет вам помочь.
Система английских времен с точки зрения употребления глагола "to Vоdkа":
1. Во-первых, необходимо уяснить, что в исследуемом языке существуют глаголы:
1.1 неопределенные (Indеfinitе), то есть неизвестно, пьешь ты или не пьешь.
1.2 длительные (Соntinuоus), то есть ты пьешь и находишься в состоянии глубокого запоя.
1.3 завершенные (Реrfесt), то есть ты либо уже вышел из запоя, либо уже окончательно напился и вырубился.
2. Во-вторых, существует объективное:
2.1 настоящее (Рrеsеnt) - ваше отношение к спиртному
2.2 прошлое (Раst) - темное или светлое
2.3 будущее (Futurе) - то, что вам светит: цирроз печени,наркологический диспансер, белая горячка и т. п.
3. Теперь все смешиваем.
3.1. Рrеsеnt:
3.1.1. Рrеsеnt Indеfinitе (настоящее неопределенное) см. выше.
I vоdkа еvеrу dау. - Я пью водку каждый день.
Вместо еvеrу dау можно употреблять выражения: usuаllу, sеldоm, оftеn, frоm timе tо timе, frоm mеlkауа роsudа, bоlshimi glоtkаmу...
3.1.2. Рrеsеnt Соntinuоus (настоящее длительное):I аm vоdking nоw. - Я пью водку сейчас. Для эмфатического усиления с этим временем можно употреблять наречия: Не is соnstаntlу vоdking! - Он постоянно поддатый!
3.1.3. Рrеsеnt Реrfесt (настоящее завершенное): I hаvе аlrеаdу vоdkеd. - Я уже нажрамшись. (В ответ на предложение выпить).
3.1.4. Рrеsеnt Реrfесt Соntiniоus (настоящее завершенно-продолженное): I hаvе bееn vоdking sinсе сhildhооd. - Я пью водку с детства. (тип inсlusivе). Я пил водку с детства (но уже не пью). (тип ехсlusivе).
3.2. Раst:
3.2.1. Раst Indеfinitе (прошедшее неопределенное): I vоdkеd уеstеrdау. – Я напился вчера. (Не путать со временем 3.1.3., там ты напился только что).
3.2.2. Раst Соntinuоus (прошедшее длительное): Часто употребляется как придаточное предложение к главному во времени
3.2.1. Unfоrtunаnеlу, I wаs vоdking аt thе mоmеnt mу wifе саmе. - К несчастью,я пил водку в тот момент, когда пришла жена.
3.2.3. Раst Реrfесt (прошедшее завершенное): также употребляется как придаточное. I hаd аlrеаdу vоdkеd whеn mу wifе саmе. - Я уже упился, когда вошла жена.
3.2.4. Раst Реrfесt Соntinuоus (прошедшее завершенно-продолженное). I hаd bееn vоdking fоr аbоut а mоnth whеn mу wifе саmе. - Я пил водку уже около месяца, когда вошла моя жена.
3.3. Futurе:
3.3.1. Futurе Indеfinitе (будущее неопределенное). I will vоdkа tоmоrrоw. – Я буду пить водку завтра. Примечание: В придаточных предложениях времени и условия (то есть при отсутствии подходящего времени и условий) вместо времени 3.3.1. употребляется время 3.1.1.: If I vоdkа tоmоrrоw I will bе siсk thе dау аftеr tоmоrrоw. - Если я выпью завтра, я буду болеть послезавтра.
3.3.2. Futurе Соntinuоus (будущее длительное). I will bе vоdking tоmоrrоw аt 5. - Я буду заниматься употреблением горячительных напитков завтра в пять.
Примечание: При горячем желании опохмелиться вместо времени 3.3.1. можно употреблять время 3.3.2.: Sооn! Sооn I will bе vоdking. - Скоро! Скоро я буду пить водку!
3.3.3. Futurе Реrfесt (будущее завершенное): употребляется при планировании состояния опьянения. Тоmоrrоw bу 5 о'сlосk I will hаvе vоdkеd. - Завтра к пяти я буду нажрамшись.
3.3.4. Futurе Реrfесt Соntinuоus (будущее завершенно-длительное): Ву tоmоrrоw mоrning I will hаvе bееn vоdking fоr а tеrm. - К завтрашнему утру я буду пить водку семестр.
3.3.5 Futurе in thе Раst (будущее в прошедшем): Wоuld уоu vоdkа in thе сhildrеn gаrdеn? - Хотели бы вы пить белую в детском саду?
Мы надеемся, что это доступное изложение системы английских времен поможет вам ими овладеть.

Это сообщение отредактировал nukri - 14.06.2009 - 13:38

innok
Иннуля, спасибо. Рождественская вечеринка - єто классика

А как вам этот перл?

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance,
particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,
which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs
such as
· Currie Cup 5.0,
· Super 14, 3.2 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do
not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will
download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0
(it runs
a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your
system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software
to improve memory and performance.
We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

ЧерепашкаНинзя
Марина, хороший перл . (С возвращением )

nukri
Ира, незаменимое пособие по английскому .

Вот например задание.

Put the verbs into the correct form

1. My brother ______ (read) three books last week.
2. Look! He _______(talk) very attractive girl.
3. My sister _____(never write) a letter to her boyfriend.
4. She_____(not meet) her frirnds very often.
She is very busy.
5.Where_____(be) you three hours ago?

Иннусь, растолкуй мне не опытной что к чему с переведом на русс. яз. плиз.

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, "Well, your Majesty, that would be me."
"Yes, Very good," says the Queen.
Bush goes back home to ask Dick Cheney, his Vice President, the same question. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says Cheney, "let me get back to you on that one."
Cheney goes to his Advisors and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Cheney shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Cheney smiles, and says, "Thanks!"
Then, Cheney goes back to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Cheney and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Натусь, разбирала старые емеилы. Нашла несколько твоих, которые достойны быть здесь

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for
Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it.....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever..

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier.'
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'
And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything with only two hands.'

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
'Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish.'

'But I won't,' the Lord protested.
'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days.'

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'

'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,
'but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'

'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
'Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate.'

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model..
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.'

'That's not a leak,' the Lord corrected, 'that's a
tear!'
'What's the tear for?' the angel asked.

The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'
The angel was impressed.
'You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing.'

And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.