Практика английского

Tathy
Just want to put my 5 cents in . Probably, you are correct, but it is perfectly OK for American English to say "I know some Spanish", which would mean: "I will, probably, understand if you try to speak Spanish to me". And the remark from my co-worker:” as an American you can say whatever the hell you want"

innok

This pretty much sums up everything! And that's what I'd heard this morning from my co-workers. But one of them added, nevertheless: "Nobody speaks proper English nowadays". Very profound thought.
And on a lighter note:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.
This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Right now I am suffering from a very strong case of Weary Overload Recreational Killer

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married.
Did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure. What was her maiden name?"

----------------------------------------------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
because I still have mine."

---------------------------------------------------------

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

---------------------------------------------------------

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
good with the kids".

-----------------------------------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you".

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

----------------------------------------------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute.."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

----------------------------------------------------------

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling. "I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four-letter word the doctor
used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS"

------------------------------------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

He's still in intensive care.

In,isn't it suppose to be "an American"?


Anyways, you guys, here is a little video for you all to watch..and learn how NOT to speak English.;0)))) Oh, and some of the comments are hilarious!(not the late entries though)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

and to counterpart the above, here is another great ones (parody ):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F226lI-lo5M&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQc6oBCuDXk&feature=user

<chuckle>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAJUMYGgfZA&feature=related

Enjoy!:)

..Teeheehee

patricia

excellent joke!

Ляська
innok
HILARIOUS!!!
Gane -I thought-as girls we`d appreciate it.

это называется тема для изучения английского или мы англошпрехающие пообщаемся межеду собой?

Инн, историю я не прочитала но знаю о чем она, слышала о ней а давать тексты и потом слать перевод по ним - не интересно, я лучше так чего по ангельски почитаю или с компом моим пошпрехаю, он еще и мне про мое произношение мнение высказывает...

Jazzinitup
Ирр, это английский очень хорошо знать надо чтобы понять че там эт мадам не того наговорила

Маня
Темка-несерьёзная -кое что,по желанию ,можно игнорировать.

patricia
понятно что несерьезная, просто если тут такие все спецы собрались и я через слово чего понимаю - то желание вставить свои 5 копеек пропадает

innok

Маня
так принуждения никакого если хочешь серьёзно изучать - есть тема "Изучаем английский".

Тань, я тебе перевод посылала? нет! Так в чём проблема?
Те кто его попросил тут, или через личку его получили и остались довольны. Поетому темку можешь игнорировать абсолютно без зазрения совести.
Jazzinitup
You are right, "an American"!

да темка вроде как началась как возможность для начинающих по английски пообщаться, или я не так поняла...обрадовалсь понимаешли, думала потренеруюсь, но куда ж мне с вашим английским

Так, начинай, а там посмотришь, что же ты сразу для себя двери закрываешь, а уровень у всех разный. Я через 15 лет в Америке всё равно ошибки делаю (правда в письме больше )

It is very easy to understand, but sooooooooo funny

AT&T
rbyron@tx.ncsu.edu (Robert Byron)
North Carolina State University

(smirk, true, original)

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested," but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir
that's right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week