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Практика английского

(серьёзно и нет)

innok
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innok
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Quote of the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'
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innok
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What Religion is Your Bra?



A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.


'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every
shape, size, colour
and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types
of bras to choose from .'

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:

'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the
Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?'


Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple. ..


The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'


Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters
used

to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why,but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,
it is about time

you became informed!


(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!...

They forgot the German bra.


Holtzemfromfloppen
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Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work,
But I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he Would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, So that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
And asked 'What are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
The Boss asked her
...And where do you think you're going?'



(You're gonna love this.....)

*

*

*


*



She said,

'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!
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Регистрация: 15.11.2006
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A SENSIBLE HOPE IN THE YEAR WHERE ALL FEEL END IS NEAR.



What is recession?

This Story is about a man who once upon a time was selling Hotdogs by the roadside.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers.
He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio.
His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hotdogs.
He was smart enough to offer some attractive schemes to increase his sales.
His sales and profit went up.
He ordered more a more raw material and buns and use to sale more.
He recruited few more supporting staff to serve more customers.
He started offering home deliveries. Eventually he got himself a bigger and better stove.
As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from College, joined his father. He had never sen a recession in his 40 years of selling hot dogs.

Then something strange happened.
The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"
The father replied, "No, but tell me about it." The son said, "The international situation is terrible.
The domestic situation is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad times."
The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, listened to the radio and watched TV.
He ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.
So the next day onwards, the father cut down the his raw material order and buns, took down the colourful signboard,
removed all the special schemes he was offering to the customers and was no longer as enthusiastic.
He reduced his staff strength by giving layoffs.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hotdog stand.
And his sales started coming down rapidly, same is the profit.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right".
"We are in the middle of a recession and crisis. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."

Moral of The Story: It's all in your MIND! And we actually FUEL this recession much more than we think

2009 is going to be a good year
IF YOU WAIT TO BE HAPPY YOU WILL WAIT FOREVER
BUT IF YOU START TO BE HAPPY YOU WILL BE HAPPY FOREVER !!!!

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